the activity, "searching for a job" does not make an appearance on my top 10 list of ways i like to spend time.
i'm aware of this tendency, and in the words of tyra banks, i have always modeled through. however, while following my typical path of research and discovery, i began to reject positions i expected to gravitate toward, which forced some serious, and much needed reflection. in the process, i stumbled upon the reason, the explanation for my particular pains in this search: i suffer from soul scorch.
that is, i stayed in a job i didn't believe in, a job that flew in the face of my most fundamental values, that championed profits over humanity and status over charity.
it wasn't that bad, it's not like i was the one making bombs and killing people, but it certainly happened under their roof, and as a paid cog, i was certainly a part of the machine. to make matters worse, rather than leave the job, i became expert in suppressing unsavory elements of my employer, offering empty justifications when faced with the realities of their business. this is not to say i'm flogging myself nightly over this realization, i'm just recognizing that while we all make decisions that are right at the time--and i believe this WAS right at the time--the results do leave scars, and in some cases, lead to enlightenment.
i also learned i distrust--no, question--the drive to adopt technology solutions. i still believe in the merits of technology, but favor purposeful applications, rather than merely profit-gaining or gadgetry-focused pursuits.
the more i seek employment, the more i am guided by my fundamental belief in choosing careers that make a difference, an impact. in the past i was willing to admit a certain amount of flexibility, and expressed this by requiring my future employer fit into one of the following categories:
* a mission that works toward making the world a better placein the case of the second option, i made sure my volunteer time filled in the altruistic gaps. AND, as mentioned earlier, in the case of my last position, i selected a job based on the opportunity, the team, and attributes not necessarily expressed in the above categories, and i felt good about it.
* a direct giving program that helps other organizations work toward making the world a better place
so the result of all of this reflection is i find myself turned off by the majority of tech jobs in the for-profit sector, and attracted to the prospects of following my passions for education, literacy, justice, and community-building. i'm still considering tech opportunities, but i'm beginning to believe more and more that in the end, my last job offered enlightenment, and the scorch is healing.
*** next up: graduate school?