and the beat goes on...

this period in our lives is, well, many things. it's surreal. it's magical. it's difficult to define.

never in my life have i been on the brink of something so monumental without any real knowledge or understanding of what lies ahead. it's surreal.

we're in a liminal state, where we exist between what we know (the two of us) and what we expect (the three of us) and all the while, our emotional responses and my physical being are shifting, altering. it's magical.

in many ways, we're on high alert, trusting in natural processes that have linked women together for centuries, and benefiting from the love and support from our village.

waiting & wondering

recently, david and i purchased the last bits of items from our list. we're now down to the nitty and the furry (need to find last-minute nene care--DONE!), and we're confident all will be crossed off soon.

meanwhile, david has been flexing his new-found nesting skillz in the yard and storage areas. the gardens will likely prove to offer a bumper crop that will keep our tummies full and minds sharp, what with all the good vitamins and minerals coursing through our veins. the storage area showcases his purging acumen in full glory; anyone who may have seen the state of affairs before his laser-beam focus honed in would certainly not recognize it now.

me? i don't feel the nesting urge so much, although we did make some serious headway in her room this week, and once we can figure out a few handyperson-type tasks (DONE!), the room will be adorable. it's already showing a tendency toward super-cuteness.

babe whisperer

last week i volunteered my arms to a post-natal yoga class. the moms need a break sometimes, and the teacher offers in return a free pre-natal class. she prefers having pregnant ladies help out because she believes both sides benefit. she was right.

i wandered the studio searching for crying babes, and when i found a sweet lil' whimperer, i asked the mom if she'd like me to hold her kid. no one turned me down. while my arms may have been aching from holding 5 or 6 kids of differing size and age, it was a good experience that also gave me confidence. i haven't held infants much recently, and coaxing and cooing to little ones for an hour and a half reminded me that i'm not a novice at this practice. plus, they were really sweet.

body lending

today i lent my body to science.

to help 6 to-be midwives learn, i let them poke, prod, and palpate my swelling belly. they were very excited about my state of gestation; turns out they hadn't an opportunity to practice on someone this late in the game and with "this big of a baby."

a few students couldn't find her head, which they assured me didn't mean she was without. :) they invited their teacher to help, who was impressed by how low she is. "this baby is engaged," she told her students. they also had an opportunity to learn what a contraction looks like and feels like, which was a new experience for them.

i benefited too. i had never seen a fetoscope and its predecessor, a cone-shaped instrument. i enjoyed sharing my stories of pregnancy, especially my evolution to being more calm and curious about the birthing process. the students were so respectful; honoring each time they touched me by asking first, and then thanking me. for my time, i was fed, i received a free copy of one of the teacher's books, and i had a unique and fulfilling afternoon.

a practice in introspection

yesterday i joined a group of 10 or so pregnant ladies and two midwives at grace cathedral atop nob hill. our purpose? to walk the labyrinth as a group at the stroke of noon.

it was a perfect sf day. the sun streamed down, making the square block flanked by the Mark and the cathedral shine in exuberance.

i was feeling pretty good, too. i sat on the steps leading to the cathedral, and took it all in.

soon ladies following their bellies appeared, and we all entered together. it was awe-inspiring. i never tire of the ornate stillness that surrounds me when i step into an old church. the labryinth was awesome: front row and center; the nucleus of the knave.

we convened in a group, and my yoga teacher (also a midwife) unfurled some green string that each of us handled so that we were all connected in a circle. she explained how we would enter the labyrinth at our own speed and once we reached the center, we could leave when it was right for each of us. we then each cut a piece of the string so that we'd have a symbol of the greater group with us as we walked. another midwife stood at the entrance, asking each of us if we wanted oil for our mind or our heart. i chose mind.

upon entering, i was flooded with emotion and immediately began to tear up. but then i calmed and began my walk. we were a noticeable bunch: 10 or so pregnant ladies walking slowly, some gazing down, others, like me, noticing my surroundings and taking it all in. i held my string on my belly. it just remained there as i touched it and stroked her sweet movements as i moved along the curves.

a woman appeared with a small child and stood watching outside the labyrinth as those of us with babies on the inside walked. the next time i saw her, she was standing at the entrance, holding her baby. after a pause, she began walking. she was the only person outside of our group who entered with us. at times her child cooed and cried and yelped, and all of us smiled.

the weekly spurt

after missing all of the growth spurts teens experience, i feel as though i've caught up in the horizontal department in record time.

today david and i spent a few hours working in the usf garden--well, i worked on knitting a baby hat--learning about pest control, proper bed design, and weeding. we left the plot with an impressive harvest and delicious meals to come.

knee-deep

organic, pvc-free, pesticide free... these topics invade my brain. mattresses, changing pads, bath tubs, clothing, sheets--all of these items run the risk of having nasty stuff lurking inside that affect lil' ones. so i research. and learn. and search. and compare. and my list grows.

not to mention the lil' one. she's growing, too. and movin' and groovin'--oh my! the other day, my dr. said, "you're all baby. you've got about 3 fats cells in between her and your skin" as she moved about punching the mic up and down while we listened to her heartbeat. her propensity to lean left also continues (as lynne commented on a photo). the bigger i get, the more obvious her left-leaning ways. :)